Hey, optimism, glad to see you're still here

I have come to realize that the absence of stress and dread and anxiety is contributing to the overwhelming feeling of happiness and optimism and hopefulness that I currently have. 

And this is in spite of some really seriously pessimistic happenings since my last update.

I continue to be happy with my current arrangements at school.  Just like anything else, everyone is adjusting to my new role at school, and the adjustment’s been a little harder for some than for others.  I’ve also had to back step a bit and remember that, while I don’t have to completely compromise who I am, I DO have to tone down certain aspects of my personality in order to function within the framework of my life here, both working and personal. 

Last week there were some incidents at school that temporarily put a big damper on my optimism.  I’ve had to really  focus on accepting that some things and some people won’t change, “changing” the things that I can, and being able to distinguish between the two. (I say “changing” because Namibian culture is resistant to change, and so if my objective is to change  ANYTHING, already I’ve set myself up for failure; I have to instead look at what I can do to improve things.)

I had a lazy weekend, and on Monday had a fair day at school.  I have been working at gathering resources for the grade 5 and 6 English teachers, and Monday sat down with the grade 5 teacher to start planning how to incorporate cross-curricular topics.  I predicted that changing lesson plans to start teaching new things would be a hard sell, but really she seems excited to be following the Ministry mandates (and doing it even without being forced by management), and excited that she doesn’t have to try to navigate it alone.  This week she’s covering “self” with the grade 5s, like, this is who I am.  Next week we’re going to start talking about the Environment, starting with how we, ourselves, fit into the environment around us.  All simple topics, but in the process of covering these new topics, we’re finding new resources, we’re brainstorming together, and I’m teaching her how to use the computer, slowly but surely. Our interactions on Monday alone really made me feel hopeful about the potential for the rest of the year. 

And it feels good to feel hopeful.

Monday an acquaintance was in Gobabis for work, with one of his colleagues, and they came over after work for a braai (BBQ).  It was a good reminder of why I try to avoid hanging out with Afrikaners.  Throughout the course of the evening, I was repeatedly insulted and offended in my own home; my guests were fixated on bashing me for being vegetarian, and while ordinarily I would AT LEAST defend myself, I said NOTHING.  I find this to be ironic, because often it’s the vegetarians bashing the meat eaters at events like this, but for the sake of civility, I just let them talk.  One of them continued to say how he could never do it, he could never bevegetarian, and after about the fifth time, I responded, “Hey, you know, no one’s asking you to be.” This same person then went on to talk about how he HATES vegetables, how he never eats vegetables (because apparently a healthy, well balanced diet consists only of meat).  He went on talking about topics that seem mundane and unimportant here (like the frequency with which people should shower, and why some tribes in Africa are so stupid), but in that setting, are very telling…  and the more he talked, the more I laughed on the inside, as he just proved himself another closed-minded, small-worlded white Namibian. Further on in the evening, as  I continued to be the object of ridicule, I had to remind them that it  was, in all fairness, my home, and I walked away before I retaliated with comments about their shortcomings.  It was an unpleasant reminder that, regardless of how open-minded I may try to be, others are not necessarily so. 

I went to Windhoek for x-rays on Tuesday and to the orthopedic specialist Wednesday about my hand.  The good news is that there are no broken bones or joint injuries, but I severely strained the ligaments in my thumb.  Unfortunately, there isn’t much I can do but rest my hand.  Fortunately, I’m in a place where I have no temptation to climb, and I’ve got another solid 8 months to rest it and let it heal. 

Tuesday night I had the pleasure of hanging out and sharing Jam Jars with some awesome folks.  I have a tendency to show up at Primi (the restaurant at the mall that we tend to gravitate towards), so I'll usually do some work or write in my journal while I'm waiting.  Primi is also a great place for people watching.  It’s easy to forget that Windhoek is a bit more advanced than most of the smaller towns in terms of racial integration; I even found myself staring at racially mixed groups of people who walked by, because you almost never seen whites and blacks mixing in Gobabis.  I’m also always so pleasantly surprised at the amount of English I overhear being spoken in Windhoek.  It is almost never the mother tongue of either person speaking, but both parties are making an effort to make it their medium of communication, and I find a lot of encouragement in that. 

PC/Nam’s peer support committee, the Volunteer Support Network, also happened to be in Windhoek this week, so I got to see and hang out with some of my favorite fellow PCVs.  I’m heading south for the weekend, and then to a week of training for the upcoming PST next week. 

Today I met with Waldo, my APCD, about things at school.  It felt good to tell him that, although last year was really rough, and I’d highly considered coming back for my things and then going back to the states after the holidays, I was SO glad that I came back, and so happy and excited for the coming year with the current arrangement I have at school.  He’s a great problem solver and troubleshooter, but I know he enjoys hearing about things when they’re going well.  In the process of troubleshooting some things during our meeting, the possibility of a school-transfer was discussed, and I found myself really sad about it, because I realized that I’ve worked hard to establish myself and form good relationships with the people at my school and would be sad to lose that.  (A site transfer was not brought up, but the thought of THAT is scary!  I didn’t realize just how scary until sitting in this meeting wondering if Waldo was going to suggest it.)

Even though I’ve mentioned it before, I feel like it’s worth mentioning again that I feel like a new person this year and feel like I’m starting anew. 

This year Namibia is reporting record rainfall.   The typically dry air has turned muggy, and on my way to Windhoek I saw the normally dry river beds full of running water.  Never in the 17 months that I’ve been here have I ever seen more than a trickle of water in the river beds.  The rain is turning the bush green green, and the hillsides surrounding Windhoek are beautiful.  I am hoping to catch some photos of the green before the rains stop and everything turns brown again.

Lastly, I’m getting VERY excited about my dad's and his wife Rose’s upcoming visit to Namibia. I am glad that they’ll be visiting after a very wet rainy season, since I feel like Namibia is at its best when it’s green.  

As always, thanks for reading. I hope you're well, wherever you are. :)