I recognize that the last few posts I’ve written have not been rosy; the fact of the matter is that life here isn't always rosy, just as it's not always rosy anywhere. The purpose of my blog is not to paint a happy, shiny picture of PC life; rather, I write this blog to keep my friends, family and loved ones in the loop, to provide a glimpse of PC life to those who are curious, and keep a running record of events and happenings in my life. Just like all grey clouds have a silver lining sooner or later, or just like whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, the happenings of my life (and the things that I subsequently write about) may seem negative, but in the long run, I am often thankful for the experience. Furthermore, when things aren't great, they can only get better.
With that said, this post is not super rosy. If you're bothered by that, please stop reading here.
My last post described the misery of Thursdays for me; I mentioned the fact that I'd had to give my class detention the following Friday afternoon. The detention was more or less a success, only 2 of my learners dodged it. They did, however, have to stay till 2:10 (10 minutes extra) because they couldn't keep quiet. I guess I'm still working on my "how to talk to grade 6 learners" skills.
Monday (last week) I asked the learners if they know why we were going to have a 4-day weekend. Most of them know that it's for a religious holiday, but many of them didn't know what Easter was, exactly (as in, the Christian belief that Christ was crucified and rose three days later).
Other funny things from the classroom:
Monday (last week) I asked the learners if they know why we were going to have a 4-day weekend. Most of them know that it's for a religious holiday, but many of them didn't know what Easter was, exactly (as in, the Christian belief that Christ was crucified and rose three days later).
Other funny things from the classroom:
- Petty theft is a rampant problem at my school. Learners steal each others' pens, pencils, books, notebooks, really anything that isn't tied down or hidden under clothing is liable to be stolen. I've tried to explain that stealing isn't nice, it doesn't go well with the peace in my classroom. That... didn't stop them from stealing. Last week, I told them that even if I don't see them stealing, and even if their classmates don't see them stealing, GOD sees them stealing. That didn't seem to work, either. Next up: Thou shall not steal.
- The key to my bicycle lock looks like a car key. No matter how many times I tell them that I don't have a car... they don't believe me.
- There are 4 boys in my class who are behavior problems. When they are fortuitously absent on the same day my classroom is like a different place. One of them behaves well for me, but the other teachers dislike him and talk about what a problem he is in their classes. This particular boy likes to sit in the front of the classroom, which I appreciate since everyone else wants to sit in the back. However, because he sits in the front of the room, I tend to stand very close to him, and often right in front of him. The other day, I looked down while I was talking, and he seemed to be ogling me. Perhaps that is why he's not a behavior problem for me.....
I am, currently, basking in the last day of a 4-day holiday weekend. Last week was maybe the hardest week I've had in Namibia, emotionally, since I arrived here. I had a couple "regroup or go home" moments, during which I managed to regroup. On top of it, I had a case of Africa tummy that was likely caused my emotional turmoil, or a virus, or something in the water or food, or a combination of it all.
(Almost) Every volunteer reaches a moment when they ask themselves "what am I really doing here?” It's a hard question to answer. Group 30's been in country just over 7 months; it's been (unbelievably) almost 6 months since we swore in as official PCVs. It's nearly the end of the first term, and I still don't feel like my learners are... learning. Well, maybe except for the fact that they have a firm grasp of the word "false" and can multiply without counting tick marks on a piece of paper. Most of them, at least.
I still maintain that I prefer living in town over living in the village. PCVs in the village have lots of transportation woes, food woes, and other village life woes (like learners knocking on windows, doors, everyone knowing your business, etc etc etc). I'm not a small-town person in the US, and I'm not a small-town person here. However, Epako is just like any small town. Ashley, one of the other Omaheke volunteers, is able to go out to the bars in Epako with Namibian our age. I simply can't do that. I can picture my learners now: "Miss, you were in the location on Saturday. My brother saw you with someone who was drinking alcohol" or "Miss, I saw you at the shebeen". Ashley, on the other hand, has the advantage of relative anonymity, except for the fact that people know she's not Namibian, and Namibian men are drawn to her like sailors to a siren. Once people find out she's American, they associate her to me (because clearly, if we're both American, we know each other), which means that instead of my learners asking about why I was at the shebeen during the weekend, they ask me about why she was there. Hanging out in the location (Epako) is also not always safe, and getting back to town can be a hassle (and can be dangerous) at night. Of course, if I had to burning desire to hang out there, I would find a way, but it often seems like it's not worth the trouble or the worries.
Of course, not all Namibians go to shebeens on the weekend. A lot of people in the Omaheke region go to the farm; others just stay at home and do housework and whatnot (like me). I've had a hard time finding things in common (read: things to talk about) with some of my Namibian acquaintances, which makes hanging out sometimes awkward, and the awkwardness sometimes leads me to avoid hanging out, which leads to solitude.
Because Gobabis has a large Afrikaner population, and most of them live in town, the other option for me would be to make friends with Afrikaners and hang out at traditionally white establishments. I hope that you can already see the problems there. We were warned in PST that lots of volunteers make friends with the Afrikaner community at their sites. It is highly advantageous in many ways: Afrikaners tend to have cars, which means that inevitably, if you need a ride to the capital, someone you know knows someone who is going around the same time you need to go; at least in Gobabis, many of the businesses are Afrikaner owned, and if you have a good relationship with the business owners in town, it makes life a lot easier when you need quotes for a purchase, or are asking for a donation, etc etc etc. The downside is that, well, because of Namibia's history, the white (and colored) populations tend to be quite racist, still, even 20 years after independence. It isn't fair to make a blanket statement like that, because of course, not all white and colored people are racially prejudiced, but there is still a huge schism between the white, colored and black populations in Gobabis. (And for the record, the term "colored" is the accepted term for people of mixed ethnicity here, and during the years before independence, colored people fell below whites but above blacks in the social strata. You'll remember in one of my posts that I wrote during PST that I was living in what was formerly a colored neighborhood, physically located away from town and the location in Okahandja.) We were warned that...... if we associate ourselves more with Afrikaners than with our target communities, we could lose credibility in our communities (and losing credibility as a teacher is lethal; if the parents and students lose their respect for a teacher, for whatever reason, it makes teaching very, very difficult).
All of those things aside, I've found the bigotry of Afrikaners to be nearly insufferable. It's a touchy thing to talk about and write about. There's often a fine line between observed fact and interpreted observation.
One day, when all my thoughts are together, I will write something about my observations of development and dependency of the developed world (have I already promised something of the sort?). I've never formally studied development; I know only what I observe, and what I've talked about with other volunteers. The bottom line is that sometimes, despite the best efforts otherwise, development creates dependency. And sometimes, in spite of the best intentions, development and aid that is not sustainable ends up being more detrimental than helpful. One example of this is the donors who sent shoes to kids in Kenya. Having these shoes caused the kids to lose the calluses on their feet, and when the shoes wore out, the calluses that protected their feet were gone, and the kids ended up with cut-up and infected feet.
Another example, closer to home, is with my community counterpart. He'd been receiving funding from some donors in the Netherlands for his projects at the garden and with the street boys; specifically, he was given monies to buy chickens, and was promised another installment after the initial donation made to purchase the chickens. A couple of things happened after the 25 chickens were purchased in December. Immediately after procurement of the chickens, which lived at the garden, several of them were stolen, slaughtered and sold (and those 3 things happened within hours - too quickly for any preventative action). Because all the initial money had been spent to purchase the chickens there was no money left to feed the chickens, and the chickens ended up in a state of starvation. If that weren't bad enough, several weeks ago, the garden was vandalised, and all but three of the chickens were stolen. All this time, since December, my counterpart has been emailing the Dutch donors, trying to find out when the next installment will arrive, with no response at all until last week (by which time only 3 chickens (who were still starving)) were left.
Because I more or less inherited my counterpart and his projects, and wasn't given too much information about him or the projects, I don't know where his funding/income came from before December. I know that the garden provided some food for him, and the boys. Whatever the case, for the last month or so, my counterpart has been hungry, and in the last weeks, starving. I invited him and one of his sons for dinner a couple weekends ago, and after dinner, his body was in such shock from being so hungry and then suddenly so full of food that he collapsed in my kitchen.
This otherwise shitty situation has lots of silver linings, although some of them are harder to see than others. The first is that my counterpart is extraordinarily progressive and forward thinking; he is ambitious and proactive. These are, however, not qualities seen favorably by a majority of the community, and he therefore doesn’t receive too much support from people in Epako (and for that reason forms such good working relationships with volunteers). However, in terms of sustainable development, these are favorable conditions: a counterpart who relies on aid workers only for support, and not with absolute reliance to do everything (which is the case for many volunteers here in Namibia, and I’m sure elsewhere). He has also just signed on with the Namibia Human Rights Commission full time, which means that he’ll have a steady income, and can work from his office in Epako. He’s also drawing up UNICEF grant proposals, and we’re going to work again on trying to find someone in the greater Gobabis/Epako/Nossobville area to host a Peace Corps volunteer, both in a homestay and for permanent housing (his application for a volunteer from group 31 had been approved, but because his organization can’t financially support the housing for a volunteer for 2 years, the health volunteer went to Catholic AIDS Action instead). There is also talk of moving the garden to a more rural location, away from the violence and theft of Epako. I’m also in talks with the choir director at my school to get some of the street boys involved in instrumentals (drums, tambourines, other noise makers) in the hopes of adding life to the choir at my school, and getting more of the boys at my school involved.
On a lighter note, I seem to have rid my home of cockroaches, however temporarily. I haven’t seen a live cockroach in ages, and the dead cockroaches are few and far between. I also have discovered that skinks like to live in the towel I keep at the base of my back door. They like to poke their little heads out when I open and close the door (and consequently move the towel). Perhaps because it’s a warm place? Who knows. It has provided for some entertaining chases of Nikki vs. lizard through my house, though.
And, no matter how bad things get, at least I'm not in Mauritania.
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